Beat

I had a moment today in Nelson's class where I just felt like giving up. He was telling us about our first big project for the course, and I have to say that as focused as I was last semester on doing well in my classes, I really feel somewhat broken and just cannot bring myself to even think about my classes this semester. I have done hardly any reading for any of my classes; I actually hadn't even bought a single book until today. I just feel like my student teaching is way more than a full-time (unpaid) job in and of itself, and I even resent having to go to classes 3 hours a days, 3 daysa week, when I really want to spend that time preparing or recuperating. Nelson's class actually is valuable (unlike the other 2), and I think the project we're doing is valuable too, but my plate is already full and I'm just beat. I stayed up till 4am Sunday night finishing grading (my own fault, I know) and, after 4 hours' sleep that night, slept for 11 hours last night and still woke up feeling exhausted. I managed to go for a 20-minute jog this am, about the first exercise I've done in weeks if you don't count carrying a ridiculously heavy bag to and from MUNI each day. (Today I walked home from Van Ness when I just missed the bus.)

I did do something for my own amusement in class today that I think the kids liked too.

We are working on creating an outline and composing a formal essay, and so I wanted us to come up with an outline in class together. I explained that a thesis is a one-sentence answer to the question posed and, for our sample question, I chose the question, "Characterize your English teacher. Take a stand on whether or not you think she is a good teacher." I told them that, for the sake of my ego, they have decided to take the stand that yes, she is a good teacher. (And, for this assignment, I explained, there's no need to address the counterargument.) I asked them for some reasons they might give to justify their thesis statement that I am a good teacher, and I warned them not to all raise their hands at once. I kind of played it all up, so everyone was laughing--perhaps me hardest of all, though I know how to play it cool. I took two answers to form the topic sentences for our body paragraphs--one was that I explain things well so they understand what I'm saying (who knew?) and the other was that I care about them (sweet! I do and was glad they (or at least one of them) think that.). Anyway, it was fun to choose that as an example, and I know the kids paid attention to it.

Meanwhile, I totally screwed up in handing their papers back at the end of class as I had not put them all in order before class, leaving me fumbling through papers with not enough time left to hand them all back, so class ended on kind of a frantic note and I felt bad about it. I felt like the counterargument was rearing its ugly head, in fact, but whatever. Final grades were due today, and that took me a long time.

Also, I gave 2 students Ds today. Ugh. That sucked. And one student I love got a C+ and I heard him be disappointed about that. I actually graded him a little generously at the end to boost him up a teeny bit to get him to a C+ from a C. (My master teacher showed me how she manipulates grades this way--without any shame or guilt.) He's an ELL student and his writing is pretty bad, but he's really a sweet kid.

O.K. I'm shocked that I'm still awake after 10:00, as I was sure I'd fall asleep as soon as I came home.

I know if I go to sleep now then I will be even more frantic in the morning than I would be otherwise (which is still frantic) because I'm not totally prepared, but I'm going to do it anyway.

g'night, friends....