I can't believe that I'm awake right now let alone that I'm starting a blog entry. I should have been asleep an hour ago--and prepping for my classes tomorrow if anything.
The past two days have been really great for so many reasons. The main two are that I did not have class after teaching (both today and yesterday I went to GG Park and did work and snoozed in the sun) and that I am actually teaching to change the world in a concrete, direct way in my 9th grade class these days.
We're reading Animal Farm, which is such a pleasure--and such a great thing from an activist perspective that that book is on so many school book lists. Today I had them do a free write about a quote from Britney Spears (I didn't tell them it was her until the end) that said something like, "I think we should just support the president and whatever he does because he's our president." Given the unquestioning acceptance of tyrany and corrupt leadership in Animal Farm, this was a fortuitous opportunity to challenge this belief. Their responses were great. We got into talking about why people might want to support leaders blindly like this, and that was a really great discussion. They talked about how dangerous it can be to just accept what a leader does without challenging it. We got to talking a little bit about Iraq, but more important to me was for them to get this idea--that it is important to question authority. (As an example, I asked them what they would do if I wrote on the agenda that their homework for tomorrow was to read chapter 8, and when they came into class tomorrow I announced that there was a test on chapters 8, 9, and 10. I added 9 and 10 to the 9 in the HW box, revising history the way Napoleon and his posse do. They totally got into this.)
Tomorrow we're going to be talking about propaganda, and I'm bringing in a copy of a video I have that challenges the mythical "happy cow" commercials by showing actual footage of dairy cows in California...wading through knee-deep piles of shit, udders hanging practically to the ground, limping, collapsed, being hauled with a crane to slaughter--not so happy. I am working a bit to make this exactly relevant, but, hey, it was pointed out to me by Melissa from our program that--now that our credential program is over--we are not actually teaching for course credit, and we're sure not teaching for $. We're volunteers. And the animals need my volunteer time at least as much as these students do. I know these students will be really into it. I've def talked about animal stuff before, and they ask a lot of questions. These kids are so great.
I need to do a blog about my 9th grade class in general. This is the class I was struggling with so much at the beginning of the semester. They absolutely looked at me like they thought I was some imposter doing a poor job impersonating a teacher. It's amazing what has happened. We have such chemistry now. I am joking around throughout the class, they poke fun at me and feel comfortable and safe and yet are totally respectful. Meanwhile, they totally do their work and are amazingly alert and on task in class. (Part of this success is that there are only 16 kids in the class. That changes everything. (There are 31 is my 10th grade class.)) Anyway, details on that class another time. I'm starting to get really sad that my time with them is ending....
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Making a student cry
Yesterday I made my first student cry. Well, other factors were involved, I suppose, but before me: no crying; during me: crying.
So this student had given me the runaround 2 different times during the first marking period, when she told me--about 2 different papers--that she had turned her paper in to me when I collected everyone's and that she has no explanation for why I don't have her paper. Somehow I had everyone else's paper but not hers--twice--by some magival twist of fate or something. Each time after realizing I didn't have her paper, I had asked her to email it to me that night, and each time she was absent the next day and had a story about her email and printer not working the following day. Eventually I met with her and my master teacher and talked with her about everything, and she seemed to understand the importance of handing stuff in on time--especially at my school site, where it is just understood that everyone does their work and hands it in on time, especially for big assignments.
(By the way note to other new teachers: I benefited from a tip from one of my master teachers to count up and keep track of all of the papers and tests you receive *right away*. This way, if you need to talk to a student about not having their paper, you're not having that conversation 2 weeks later when you're getting around to grading their papers.)
Last marking period she was good, and it seemed like everything was under control. Until last week. Last Friday, the class had a paper due that she did not turn in. The class was suppoed to turn in a hard copy as well as email me a copy since I'm going to be putting the files online. She did neither. Monday she was absent. Tuesday I asked her about it and she said she emailed it to me on Saturday. (I had gotten every single other person in the class's email but not hers?) She said she would send it to me again that night. The next day, she was absent again. Thursday, I asked her for her paper, and she asked me if she could meet me to talk to me about it during her free period. This was a crazy busy time for me in terms of working on the iCAP (portfolio), yet I agreed to wait around for her for an hour so she could come talk to me, and I actually really appreciated this mature approach--asking to meet with me to talk about it. Well, I waited till that period and she never frikkin showed up. Grrr....
Yesterday she got to class right as we were starting and left before I could catch her. I knew, though, that she has gym right after my class, and I always see her leaving the locker room to go play whatever as I leave class, so I waited outside to talk to her. Finally she came out and was probably not thrilled to see me. There was no way I was going to wait another hour to try to meet with her during another period, so I decided I was just going to talk with her then. (Nobody was around to hear.)
I told her I'd waited at school for an hour in order to meet with her at a time that was convenient for her and that I was really disappointed she didn't show up. She shyly apologized and said that she'd hurt her hand in gym yesterday and was at the nurse. She's like the boy who cried wolf--not sure if that was true or not, but the nurse's office is very near the English office, so I feel like she should have still come by. I mean, she had all of her fingers! (There was no noticeable damage to her hand.) Ultimately, I could check to see if she did actually go to the nurse but it doesn't even matter at this point. I asked her if her hand was ok. Yes.
Then I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about re: her paper. We were standing outside and she was in her gym clothes, not prepared for the conversation, but I was sick of getting the runaround from her. She told me she was having problems with her printer and her email. "So your paper is done?" I asked. "Yes." She had said a couple days before that she'd had problems printing and I had told her to email it to herself and print it at school, but now her email isn't working, supposedly. I asked her if she had a disk that she could save the paper on. No, she doesn't have a disk.
At this point I was just annoyed. I feel like at other schools this stuff might happen more, but at my school it is very rare.
The tears started when I recapped the situation. I said that I felt like we'd had a really good conference about this during the first marking period, and that she'd really improved, but this paper was due a week ago. I said something like, "It is your responsibility to make sure that you get your work in on time--whether that means emailing it to yourself and printing at school, buying a disk, doing your work at the library or whatever it takes--and that if there's a problem in handing something in on time, it is up to you to communicate with your teachers about that in a direct way--and to keep your appointments or be in communication about cancelling them."
That was when the tears started welling up, though it never got to the point where it was blatanly obvious or uncomfortable that she was crying.
I should mention that this student is a 9th grader, Chinese American, super quiet and shy. She was born here but her parents don't speak much English. She is a good writer and the work she turns in is quite good. I feel like she is a perfectioninst and can't bring herself to hand something in that's not perfect. I told her that her wrinting is very good, and that I'm confident her paper will be really good, but that it won't get the grade that it deserves because it's so late. I also told her some of the papers that people turned in actually weren't that good, and that I knew that if they had an extra week then they'd be much better, but that she needs to get her work in on time or else talk to me about it right away. I told her it's not fair to herself since she is getting grades that are below what the work she has put on paper deserves.
In the end, I asked her if she would have the paper for me by Monday. She said she would try. I patted her on the arm (trying to mitigate my badguy-ness) and wished her a good weekend.
I don't feel any guilt or regret about the conversation, really, because I feel like it needed to be said, but I'm curious what will develop from it--though obviously it made an impression on me since I'm spending my Saturday writing about it.....
So this student had given me the runaround 2 different times during the first marking period, when she told me--about 2 different papers--that she had turned her paper in to me when I collected everyone's and that she has no explanation for why I don't have her paper. Somehow I had everyone else's paper but not hers--twice--by some magival twist of fate or something. Each time after realizing I didn't have her paper, I had asked her to email it to me that night, and each time she was absent the next day and had a story about her email and printer not working the following day. Eventually I met with her and my master teacher and talked with her about everything, and she seemed to understand the importance of handing stuff in on time--especially at my school site, where it is just understood that everyone does their work and hands it in on time, especially for big assignments.
(By the way note to other new teachers: I benefited from a tip from one of my master teachers to count up and keep track of all of the papers and tests you receive *right away*. This way, if you need to talk to a student about not having their paper, you're not having that conversation 2 weeks later when you're getting around to grading their papers.)
Last marking period she was good, and it seemed like everything was under control. Until last week. Last Friday, the class had a paper due that she did not turn in. The class was suppoed to turn in a hard copy as well as email me a copy since I'm going to be putting the files online. She did neither. Monday she was absent. Tuesday I asked her about it and she said she emailed it to me on Saturday. (I had gotten every single other person in the class's email but not hers?) She said she would send it to me again that night. The next day, she was absent again. Thursday, I asked her for her paper, and she asked me if she could meet me to talk to me about it during her free period. This was a crazy busy time for me in terms of working on the iCAP (portfolio), yet I agreed to wait around for her for an hour so she could come talk to me, and I actually really appreciated this mature approach--asking to meet with me to talk about it. Well, I waited till that period and she never frikkin showed up. Grrr....
Yesterday she got to class right as we were starting and left before I could catch her. I knew, though, that she has gym right after my class, and I always see her leaving the locker room to go play whatever as I leave class, so I waited outside to talk to her. Finally she came out and was probably not thrilled to see me. There was no way I was going to wait another hour to try to meet with her during another period, so I decided I was just going to talk with her then. (Nobody was around to hear.)
I told her I'd waited at school for an hour in order to meet with her at a time that was convenient for her and that I was really disappointed she didn't show up. She shyly apologized and said that she'd hurt her hand in gym yesterday and was at the nurse. She's like the boy who cried wolf--not sure if that was true or not, but the nurse's office is very near the English office, so I feel like she should have still come by. I mean, she had all of her fingers! (There was no noticeable damage to her hand.) Ultimately, I could check to see if she did actually go to the nurse but it doesn't even matter at this point. I asked her if her hand was ok. Yes.
Then I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about re: her paper. We were standing outside and she was in her gym clothes, not prepared for the conversation, but I was sick of getting the runaround from her. She told me she was having problems with her printer and her email. "So your paper is done?" I asked. "Yes." She had said a couple days before that she'd had problems printing and I had told her to email it to herself and print it at school, but now her email isn't working, supposedly. I asked her if she had a disk that she could save the paper on. No, she doesn't have a disk.
At this point I was just annoyed. I feel like at other schools this stuff might happen more, but at my school it is very rare.
The tears started when I recapped the situation. I said that I felt like we'd had a really good conference about this during the first marking period, and that she'd really improved, but this paper was due a week ago. I said something like, "It is your responsibility to make sure that you get your work in on time--whether that means emailing it to yourself and printing at school, buying a disk, doing your work at the library or whatever it takes--and that if there's a problem in handing something in on time, it is up to you to communicate with your teachers about that in a direct way--and to keep your appointments or be in communication about cancelling them."
That was when the tears started welling up, though it never got to the point where it was blatanly obvious or uncomfortable that she was crying.
I should mention that this student is a 9th grader, Chinese American, super quiet and shy. She was born here but her parents don't speak much English. She is a good writer and the work she turns in is quite good. I feel like she is a perfectioninst and can't bring herself to hand something in that's not perfect. I told her that her wrinting is very good, and that I'm confident her paper will be really good, but that it won't get the grade that it deserves because it's so late. I also told her some of the papers that people turned in actually weren't that good, and that I knew that if they had an extra week then they'd be much better, but that she needs to get her work in on time or else talk to me about it right away. I told her it's not fair to herself since she is getting grades that are below what the work she has put on paper deserves.
In the end, I asked her if she would have the paper for me by Monday. She said she would try. I patted her on the arm (trying to mitigate my badguy-ness) and wished her a good weekend.
I don't feel any guilt or regret about the conversation, really, because I feel like it needed to be said, but I'm curious what will develop from it--though obviously it made an impression on me since I'm spending my Saturday writing about it.....
Monday, May 14, 2007
Using technology, feeling happily irrelevant
Today I did a webquest with my students, with thanks to Robyn for making it happen. We went ot the computer lab and the students were totally engaged in the webquest--much more so, I think, than if they all went to google and were just searching random sites from there. The way that site is set up -- http://robynmoller.googlepages.com/animalfarmwebquest -- where the students know which sites to go to for which questions, and where students can feel confident that the inforamtion can be found on those sites, was really helpful.
It was interesting to be in the computer lab and to have the students all doing their own thing on their computers. At first, I was all prepared to walk around to help and answer questions or ... something, but pretty soon it became clear that I was irrelevant except to dismiss the students at the end of class and tell them to finish the section they were on for homework if they didn't already finish it.
Given that I said something totally stupid and messed something up in my first class today, it was nice to feel totally irrelevant and know my kids were just fine without me.
It was interesting to be in the computer lab and to have the students all doing their own thing on their computers. At first, I was all prepared to walk around to help and answer questions or ... something, but pretty soon it became clear that I was irrelevant except to dismiss the students at the end of class and tell them to finish the section they were on for homework if they didn't already finish it.
Given that I said something totally stupid and messed something up in my first class today, it was nice to feel totally irrelevant and know my kids were just fine without me.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
One of the very annoyingnesses of assessment
Well, clearly the first most annoyingest thing about assessment is having to actually spend the time assessing (grading), but before that come other annoying aspects as well, such as figuring out how you will be assessing (hopefully that comes before the assessment but--I've heard for some people, though I myself wouldn't know--sometimes it comes after). The annoying aspect of assessment I'm struggling with right now and have been struggling with for about 2 weeks is what should ideally be the middle step before the two above: explaining to students how you will be assessing them. These days that is done with a rubric--a term and concept I had never heard of when I was in school.
I'm specifically struggling with the final paper I am going to assign my 10th graders. I was going to assign them the same research paper about a social issue that I assigned to my 9th graders, destined for publication on studentschangingtheworld .com. The problem is I have very little time in class to work with them on it, though I will have time to conference with them the last couple weeks of school after the iCAP (portfolio) is due 5/18. I'm not sure why I haven't assigned that paper yet already; I feel like they could do it outside of school, and each day I don't assign it the less time they have. Plus, I already have a rubric I feel good about as well as a good sample paper I wrote for them.
I set them up for this by asking them to write "a list of grievances" like Maxine does in The Woman Warrior, and then they had to choose 3 from that list for homework and to write forms of writing they could use to express those grievances. Their grievances included racism, global warming, getting too much homework, school starting too early, and specific things about their parents (the student mentioned in the previous post wrote a very long response about her mom). I had thought about giving them freedom to construct their writing in whatever format they chose--creative, research-based, formal/informal--to express this grievance. The problem is how to assess this. I have not found a rubric I feel good about or that I feel comfortable showing to my master teacher, who would prefer that I give a multiple choice cumulative final exam. Blech.
How do you even grade creative writing? I've looked in Bridging English (our book from last semester) and don't feel comfortable with any rubric in there. Meanwhile, while it was actually pretty easy for me to create a rubric for the paper I assigned to my 9th graders that I may assign to these 10th graders as well, this is really challenging and frustrating me. For that paper, I just knew really clearly what I want. For a creative piece where they have way more freedom, does a great poem = a great research paper? won't they all choose something that takes much less work?
I guess the question is, ultimately, what is my purpose for this assignment and what would accomplish it? My purpose is for students so see that they can use their writing to address issues that they care about in a way that makes a difference for them as well as for their readers. On the one hand, I want them to see that different issues would be best expressed in different ways, and that it's up to them to decide what's most appropriate, though on the other hand I feel they need more practice writing formal papers. Plus, even though those would be much longer to read, they are SO much easier for me to grade.
Tomas has been helping me so much to work this through, which has been so wonderful, but I'm at a point where I really need to assign this soon and yet don't feel settled about it. And now, having just spent the time I was going to spend working on a TPE, I need to get ready for school.
I'm specifically struggling with the final paper I am going to assign my 10th graders. I was going to assign them the same research paper about a social issue that I assigned to my 9th graders, destined for publication on studentschangingtheworld .com. The problem is I have very little time in class to work with them on it, though I will have time to conference with them the last couple weeks of school after the iCAP (portfolio) is due 5/18. I'm not sure why I haven't assigned that paper yet already; I feel like they could do it outside of school, and each day I don't assign it the less time they have. Plus, I already have a rubric I feel good about as well as a good sample paper I wrote for them.
I set them up for this by asking them to write "a list of grievances" like Maxine does in The Woman Warrior, and then they had to choose 3 from that list for homework and to write forms of writing they could use to express those grievances. Their grievances included racism, global warming, getting too much homework, school starting too early, and specific things about their parents (the student mentioned in the previous post wrote a very long response about her mom). I had thought about giving them freedom to construct their writing in whatever format they chose--creative, research-based, formal/informal--to express this grievance. The problem is how to assess this. I have not found a rubric I feel good about or that I feel comfortable showing to my master teacher, who would prefer that I give a multiple choice cumulative final exam. Blech.
How do you even grade creative writing? I've looked in Bridging English (our book from last semester) and don't feel comfortable with any rubric in there. Meanwhile, while it was actually pretty easy for me to create a rubric for the paper I assigned to my 9th graders that I may assign to these 10th graders as well, this is really challenging and frustrating me. For that paper, I just knew really clearly what I want. For a creative piece where they have way more freedom, does a great poem = a great research paper? won't they all choose something that takes much less work?
I guess the question is, ultimately, what is my purpose for this assignment and what would accomplish it? My purpose is for students so see that they can use their writing to address issues that they care about in a way that makes a difference for them as well as for their readers. On the one hand, I want them to see that different issues would be best expressed in different ways, and that it's up to them to decide what's most appropriate, though on the other hand I feel they need more practice writing formal papers. Plus, even though those would be much longer to read, they are SO much easier for me to grade.
Tomas has been helping me so much to work this through, which has been so wonderful, but I'm at a point where I really need to assign this soon and yet don't feel settled about it. And now, having just spent the time I was going to spend working on a TPE, I need to get ready for school.
Learning About Students
It says so right in TPE 8; we should be learning about our students: "assess prior knowledge and skills, knows students as individuals, interacts with parents, identifies students with special needs, and understands how students' identities influence schooling experience." I definitely got a taste of all of that tonight.
I was on the way home from an abbreviated class at SFSU, planning to go home and work on my dreaded TPEs. On the bus home I saw one of my 10th grade students whom I know has been having some struggles at home. I didn't know the details and a couple weeks ago had offered to talk or email with her if she ever wanted. (I gave her my cell phone number; should I not do that?) She was really appreciative of that offer but never took me up on it, and whenever I would ask her how things were she would just say "O.K. Well, sort of" or something indicating that things weren't so good. I knew she was seeing the school counselor and that the dean was involved, so I didn't pursue it beyond offering a couple more times to talk if she ever wanted to.
So, I ran into her on the bus and started talking with her. I asked her if things were really ok at home or if she wanted to talk with me about what's going on, and we ended up talking for a really long time. I skipped my bus stop and as it turned out she skipped hers because she wanted to keep talking and assumed we hadn't gotten to my stop yet. She lives in the Tenderloin. We walked around aimlessly on Market St. and she revealed a tremendous amount of info to me. She let me know that she's 2 months pregnant, and, after an abortion 6 months ago and a miscarriage of twins a couple months after that, she is planning on keeping this baby. The father is an 18-year-old dropout who's involved with gangs and just got out of juvenile hall and who recenly broke up with her and is now dating someone else. Ugh.
We kept talking and walking until I finally suggested we sit down somewhere, and then, in the middle of the wasteland of Market and 6th-8th Sts., I offered to just walk her home. When we got near her house, I realized she lives just a couple blocks from my favorite restaurant, and I offered to take her to dinner there. She told me that she was actually just about to invite me over for dinner at her house. I certainly couldn't turn this down--damn those TPEs.
Randomly (while procrastinating working on my TPEs, I think) this weekend I reread the letters I had the students write to me the first day of school introducing themselves to me. I totally remembered that in her letter she said that she lives in a studio apartment with her bro and sis in the Tenderloin. I couldn't even picture what that would look like--a studio apartment for 5 people. I actually remember stopping to try to picture it. What I imagined was so ridiculously rosy; it was a very large, bright, clean studio--each person a little squished but at least manageable with each person having a bit of space of their own. When I first moved here, I lived in a beautiful studio near Dolores Park with my boyfriend at the time; yeah, it was small, but it was nice and we managed. It's like my brain wouldn't let myself imagine that they lived in a place as crappy as I realistically could have guessed: a small studio in the heart of the Tenderloin for 5 people.
I can't even properly convey what this place looked like. She lives in a ridiculously tiny studio apartment that she shares with her parents and 18 year old brother and 14 year old sister. They have a bunk bed and a loft for the kids in the studio--a teeny room--and her parents, who don't speak English (they're Chinese) sleep on the floor. Except I really cannot figure out where on the floor they could sleep because there's just not floor space anywhere--I guess right in between the two beds, maybe, barely, but Jesus Christ. I've literally never set foot in the home of a family so poor.
All their clothes and stuff was basically piled up all over the house, literally going up to the ceiling; I guess they don't have a closet, so the clothes that need to be hung up are hanging from the window panes.
I have to say that if that was my house growing up I would never have invited anyone over. I would be so ashamed and embarrassed. I was so impressed that she invited me into her world.
She said she can't concentrate on doing her homework there, so she doesn't start it until everyone's asleep--after 10. Amazingly, she *always* does her homework and has an A in my class.
Her parents speak virtually no English at all except for the basics of "Hello," "Good bye," and "Thank you," so we spoke totally freely about her situation. I SO don't want her to have this baby, which was very difficult for me to hold in. I told her that it's absolutely not for me to advise or try to sway her one way or another, which I feel strongly about but which is also very challenging because I also have a very strong opinion about it. It turns out she's not totally sure. I asked her what her reasons would be for keeping it and she said, simply, "I don't want to kill anything else." Ugh. I asked how she felt about the first abortion, and she said she had thoughts that if she had kept the baby then maybe she could have learned to be more responsible. I said very gently, in a way I knew I could get away with, that maybe the lesson she could have learned following the first preganancy and abortion was to use birth control. "Yeah, I guess that's true," she admitted. I mentioned HIV and asked her about health class and whatnot; she said he'd been tested.
Her parents cooked me up a vegetarian meal, which I ate by myself (everyone else had already eaten) on the ironing board they use for a dining room table. The student and I talked for 2 more hours. She shared that she totally related to so much about the book we just finished, The Woman Warrior, which addresses the culture clash between a Chinese American woman/daughter and her Chinese mother. The student told me things that her mother says to her that made me sick.
During dinner she asked me about the program I'm in and I told her about my schedule and also just more about me. She told me that I'm one of the best teachers she's ever had, and that she has learned a lot in my class, which made me feel really good. She cutely said that she's not just saying that, and that I'm not one of the best out of the new teachers or student teachers but of all her teachers. It was a really gratifying thing to hear, especially since I feel like the class is struggling a lot with Shakespeare, and I'm feeling kind of stressed and bummed about that. We talked a bit about Shakespeare and I got feedback from her on things we've done in class.
Finally, I left at almost 9:00, and her parents insisted that, as a gift, I take two plastic bags worth of food. The dad told me in very broken English that if I ever want Chinese food that he used to be a cook. The two of them walked me downstairs to get a cab, and the father wanted to pay for my cab ride which I refused. When I got home, I opened the bags and found bananas, grafefruits, lettuce, and 2 boxes of granola bars.
Now, how do I go about proving what I have learned about my students in a TPE reflection?
I was on the way home from an abbreviated class at SFSU, planning to go home and work on my dreaded TPEs. On the bus home I saw one of my 10th grade students whom I know has been having some struggles at home. I didn't know the details and a couple weeks ago had offered to talk or email with her if she ever wanted. (I gave her my cell phone number; should I not do that?) She was really appreciative of that offer but never took me up on it, and whenever I would ask her how things were she would just say "O.K. Well, sort of" or something indicating that things weren't so good. I knew she was seeing the school counselor and that the dean was involved, so I didn't pursue it beyond offering a couple more times to talk if she ever wanted to.
So, I ran into her on the bus and started talking with her. I asked her if things were really ok at home or if she wanted to talk with me about what's going on, and we ended up talking for a really long time. I skipped my bus stop and as it turned out she skipped hers because she wanted to keep talking and assumed we hadn't gotten to my stop yet. She lives in the Tenderloin. We walked around aimlessly on Market St. and she revealed a tremendous amount of info to me. She let me know that she's 2 months pregnant, and, after an abortion 6 months ago and a miscarriage of twins a couple months after that, she is planning on keeping this baby. The father is an 18-year-old dropout who's involved with gangs and just got out of juvenile hall and who recenly broke up with her and is now dating someone else. Ugh.
We kept talking and walking until I finally suggested we sit down somewhere, and then, in the middle of the wasteland of Market and 6th-8th Sts., I offered to just walk her home. When we got near her house, I realized she lives just a couple blocks from my favorite restaurant, and I offered to take her to dinner there. She told me that she was actually just about to invite me over for dinner at her house. I certainly couldn't turn this down--damn those TPEs.
Randomly (while procrastinating working on my TPEs, I think) this weekend I reread the letters I had the students write to me the first day of school introducing themselves to me. I totally remembered that in her letter she said that she lives in a studio apartment with her bro and sis in the Tenderloin. I couldn't even picture what that would look like--a studio apartment for 5 people. I actually remember stopping to try to picture it. What I imagined was so ridiculously rosy; it was a very large, bright, clean studio--each person a little squished but at least manageable with each person having a bit of space of their own. When I first moved here, I lived in a beautiful studio near Dolores Park with my boyfriend at the time; yeah, it was small, but it was nice and we managed. It's like my brain wouldn't let myself imagine that they lived in a place as crappy as I realistically could have guessed: a small studio in the heart of the Tenderloin for 5 people.
I can't even properly convey what this place looked like. She lives in a ridiculously tiny studio apartment that she shares with her parents and 18 year old brother and 14 year old sister. They have a bunk bed and a loft for the kids in the studio--a teeny room--and her parents, who don't speak English (they're Chinese) sleep on the floor. Except I really cannot figure out where on the floor they could sleep because there's just not floor space anywhere--I guess right in between the two beds, maybe, barely, but Jesus Christ. I've literally never set foot in the home of a family so poor.
All their clothes and stuff was basically piled up all over the house, literally going up to the ceiling; I guess they don't have a closet, so the clothes that need to be hung up are hanging from the window panes.
I have to say that if that was my house growing up I would never have invited anyone over. I would be so ashamed and embarrassed. I was so impressed that she invited me into her world.
She said she can't concentrate on doing her homework there, so she doesn't start it until everyone's asleep--after 10. Amazingly, she *always* does her homework and has an A in my class.
Her parents speak virtually no English at all except for the basics of "Hello," "Good bye," and "Thank you," so we spoke totally freely about her situation. I SO don't want her to have this baby, which was very difficult for me to hold in. I told her that it's absolutely not for me to advise or try to sway her one way or another, which I feel strongly about but which is also very challenging because I also have a very strong opinion about it. It turns out she's not totally sure. I asked her what her reasons would be for keeping it and she said, simply, "I don't want to kill anything else." Ugh. I asked how she felt about the first abortion, and she said she had thoughts that if she had kept the baby then maybe she could have learned to be more responsible. I said very gently, in a way I knew I could get away with, that maybe the lesson she could have learned following the first preganancy and abortion was to use birth control. "Yeah, I guess that's true," she admitted. I mentioned HIV and asked her about health class and whatnot; she said he'd been tested.
Her parents cooked me up a vegetarian meal, which I ate by myself (everyone else had already eaten) on the ironing board they use for a dining room table. The student and I talked for 2 more hours. She shared that she totally related to so much about the book we just finished, The Woman Warrior, which addresses the culture clash between a Chinese American woman/daughter and her Chinese mother. The student told me things that her mother says to her that made me sick.
During dinner she asked me about the program I'm in and I told her about my schedule and also just more about me. She told me that I'm one of the best teachers she's ever had, and that she has learned a lot in my class, which made me feel really good. She cutely said that she's not just saying that, and that I'm not one of the best out of the new teachers or student teachers but of all her teachers. It was a really gratifying thing to hear, especially since I feel like the class is struggling a lot with Shakespeare, and I'm feeling kind of stressed and bummed about that. We talked a bit about Shakespeare and I got feedback from her on things we've done in class.
Finally, I left at almost 9:00, and her parents insisted that, as a gift, I take two plastic bags worth of food. The dad told me in very broken English that if I ever want Chinese food that he used to be a cook. The two of them walked me downstairs to get a cab, and the father wanted to pay for my cab ride which I refused. When I got home, I opened the bags and found bananas, grafefruits, lettuce, and 2 boxes of granola bars.
Now, how do I go about proving what I have learned about my students in a TPE reflection?
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