Making a student cry

Yesterday I made my first student cry. Well, other factors were involved, I suppose, but before me: no crying; during me: crying.

So this student had given me the runaround 2 different times during the first marking period, when she told me--about 2 different papers--that she had turned her paper in to me when I collected everyone's and that she has no explanation for why I don't have her paper. Somehow I had everyone else's paper but not hers--twice--by some magival twist of fate or something. Each time after realizing I didn't have her paper, I had asked her to email it to me that night, and each time she was absent the next day and had a story about her email and printer not working the following day. Eventually I met with her and my master teacher and talked with her about everything, and she seemed to understand the importance of handing stuff in on time--especially at my school site, where it is just understood that everyone does their work and hands it in on time, especially for big assignments.

(By the way note to other new teachers: I benefited from a tip from one of my master teachers to count up and keep track of all of the papers and tests you receive *right away*. This way, if you need to talk to a student about not having their paper, you're not having that conversation 2 weeks later when you're getting around to grading their papers.)

Last marking period she was good, and it seemed like everything was under control. Until last week. Last Friday, the class had a paper due that she did not turn in. The class was suppoed to turn in a hard copy as well as email me a copy since I'm going to be putting the files online. She did neither. Monday she was absent. Tuesday I asked her about it and she said she emailed it to me on Saturday. (I had gotten every single other person in the class's email but not hers?) She said she would send it to me again that night. The next day, she was absent again. Thursday, I asked her for her paper, and she asked me if she could meet me to talk to me about it during her free period. This was a crazy busy time for me in terms of working on the iCAP (portfolio), yet I agreed to wait around for her for an hour so she could come talk to me, and I actually really appreciated this mature approach--asking to meet with me to talk about it. Well, I waited till that period and she never frikkin showed up. Grrr....

Yesterday she got to class right as we were starting and left before I could catch her. I knew, though, that she has gym right after my class, and I always see her leaving the locker room to go play whatever as I leave class, so I waited outside to talk to her. Finally she came out and was probably not thrilled to see me. There was no way I was going to wait another hour to try to meet with her during another period, so I decided I was just going to talk with her then. (Nobody was around to hear.)

I told her I'd waited at school for an hour in order to meet with her at a time that was convenient for her and that I was really disappointed she didn't show up. She shyly apologized and said that she'd hurt her hand in gym yesterday and was at the nurse. She's like the boy who cried wolf--not sure if that was true or not, but the nurse's office is very near the English office, so I feel like she should have still come by. I mean, she had all of her fingers! (There was no noticeable damage to her hand.) Ultimately, I could check to see if she did actually go to the nurse but it doesn't even matter at this point. I asked her if her hand was ok. Yes.

Then I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about re: her paper. We were standing outside and she was in her gym clothes, not prepared for the conversation, but I was sick of getting the runaround from her. She told me she was having problems with her printer and her email. "So your paper is done?" I asked. "Yes." She had said a couple days before that she'd had problems printing and I had told her to email it to herself and print it at school, but now her email isn't working, supposedly. I asked her if she had a disk that she could save the paper on. No, she doesn't have a disk.

At this point I was just annoyed. I feel like at other schools this stuff might happen more, but at my school it is very rare.

The tears started when I recapped the situation. I said that I felt like we'd had a really good conference about this during the first marking period, and that she'd really improved, but this paper was due a week ago. I said something like, "It is your responsibility to make sure that you get your work in on time--whether that means emailing it to yourself and printing at school, buying a disk, doing your work at the library or whatever it takes--and that if there's a problem in handing something in on time, it is up to you to communicate with your teachers about that in a direct way--and to keep your appointments or be in communication about cancelling them."
That was when the tears started welling up, though it never got to the point where it was blatanly obvious or uncomfortable that she was crying.

I should mention that this student is a 9th grader, Chinese American, super quiet and shy. She was born here but her parents don't speak much English. She is a good writer and the work she turns in is quite good. I feel like she is a perfectioninst and can't bring herself to hand something in that's not perfect. I told her that her wrinting is very good, and that I'm confident her paper will be really good, but that it won't get the grade that it deserves because it's so late. I also told her some of the papers that people turned in actually weren't that good, and that I knew that if they had an extra week then they'd be much better, but that she needs to get her work in on time or else talk to me about it right away. I told her it's not fair to herself since she is getting grades that are below what the work she has put on paper deserves.

In the end, I asked her if she would have the paper for me by Monday. She said she would try. I patted her on the arm (trying to mitigate my badguy-ness) and wished her a good weekend.

I don't feel any guilt or regret about the conversation, really, because I feel like it needed to be said, but I'm curious what will develop from it--though obviously it made an impression on me since I'm spending my Saturday writing about it.....