Even though for months teaching has crowded out most other things that I enjoy doing--or the daily things like laundry and returning emails properly that I relate to as things that I should do (not nonviolent communication there, I know)--I found myself last night done with shool and yet really being disoriented about how to spend my evening. I felt writing in my journal would be a good thing, but I was too tired to do that justice; I sure have a ton of papers around that need sorting--though that will take weeks to do properly and I wasn't in the mood to just stack papers in a neat pile; I was too tired for yoga, not feeling all that social, and didn't have the energy to start applying for jobs. I ended up looking online for a cabin to rent for a couple days to get out of town, though I couldn't find anything not too far away that was in my price range. (I'll keep looking.)
Anyway, I'm heading off to school in a few minutes for what is the final day of school, though most of the kids don't actually show up and there are not real classes. If my kids show up, I'll give them their papers back, ask them about their summer plans, invite them to a picnic this weekend, and give them a big hug.
As for me and where my life goes from here, I'm feeling out of sorts. I'm excited about the possibilities and feel really good about the way this school year went, but I'm feeling like I need to rest before I can really make any decisions about moving forward in terms of my plans for the summer and the fall, moving, and what to do with myself now that there are no papers to grade, no lessons to plan, and no classes to attend. I'm sure I'll figure something out.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Wow.
In my 9th grade class, just as I was about to let them go--after I got all teary in thanking them and saying goodbye--my "mean master teacher" (who had been in the room during the half-class where the kids filled out evaluations that I gave them of me) interjected and announced that she and the class had a present for me. They (I'm sure she) got me a journal--which is so nice since I bought them all journals at the beginning of the semester and always encourage them to write in journals--and they had each written a note to me in the journal thanking me for my hard work! Later on it occurred to me how much must have gone into that in terms of her being able to have them each sign the journal without me knowing anything about it. So sweet.
Then, the "mean master teacher" asked each student to share a thank you or compliment to me about the semester, and they all went in a circle and thanked and complimented me on the class. I hardly even remember what any of them said since I had so many emotions going on, but I do remember a few. One girl told me she really didn't like me in the beginning of the semester( I interjected by saying that I knew that! This was the class that started really badly, with this teacher observing me everyday and giving me a hard time), but eventually she really started to like me and this class a lot and that she learned a lot. Another student "complimented" me by saying that this was his only class that he didn't hate! Another really quiet student thanked me for always calling on different people and setting up the class in a circle and so everyone felt more comfortable participating, and he said that in made him much more comfortable and confident in participating and that he participated more in my class than he ever had before. Another student thanked me because he said he finally understood the idea of a thesis and how to write an essay. And the last one I remember was a student who thanked me for making them learn everyone's names. She said that she was really nervous in the beginning of the semester because she hardly knew anyone in the class, but that after I quizzed them on their names and had them work in groups a lot, she felt really comfortable in the class.
It was so touching.
I thanked this teacher and--tearing up again in doing so--told the class that she had been behind the scenes pulling all the strings throughout the semester.
The notes the kids wrote in this journal were so cute--especially congratulations on becoming a teacher and saying how they know I will become a good teacher (even though they just complimented me on being a good teacher).
Meanwhile, it was a good thing this wasn't a regular school day since we totally went over into the next class period, which made kids late, although most teachers didn't actually even take attendance today, so it wasn't a big deal.
In my 10th grade class, I gave each student an individualized note as well as a letter I wrote to the class, and I got a few more really sweet letters from them.
I also let them all know that I'm going to plan a picnic in the park next weekend that they're all invited to (as are you, dear reader), and I left a signup sheet for kids to give their emails if I don't already have them. (I have most of them.) Half a dozen of them signed up, which was nice, and I'm hoping to have a decent turnout and a nice day probably next Sunday.
What a special day.
Meanwhile, I came home and didn't feel like grading but didn't really know what to do with myself. I started to go to the park with my dog but it got cloudy and thought about going to yoga but eventually just took a nap, which was much needed after 3-1/2 hours of sleep last night.
I'm looking forward to reflecting more on this really amazing semester as my schedule opens up. I'm actually wondering what on earth I'm going to do with myself when that happens. Of course I have lots of fun ideas--plus plenty of things that I've neglected these past few months, plus trying to move and maybe make some big changes--but it's crazy to think about having zero school-related obligations....
Have more to say about other things in a bit....
Then, the "mean master teacher" asked each student to share a thank you or compliment to me about the semester, and they all went in a circle and thanked and complimented me on the class. I hardly even remember what any of them said since I had so many emotions going on, but I do remember a few. One girl told me she really didn't like me in the beginning of the semester( I interjected by saying that I knew that! This was the class that started really badly, with this teacher observing me everyday and giving me a hard time), but eventually she really started to like me and this class a lot and that she learned a lot. Another student "complimented" me by saying that this was his only class that he didn't hate! Another really quiet student thanked me for always calling on different people and setting up the class in a circle and so everyone felt more comfortable participating, and he said that in made him much more comfortable and confident in participating and that he participated more in my class than he ever had before. Another student thanked me because he said he finally understood the idea of a thesis and how to write an essay. And the last one I remember was a student who thanked me for making them learn everyone's names. She said that she was really nervous in the beginning of the semester because she hardly knew anyone in the class, but that after I quizzed them on their names and had them work in groups a lot, she felt really comfortable in the class.
It was so touching.
I thanked this teacher and--tearing up again in doing so--told the class that she had been behind the scenes pulling all the strings throughout the semester.
The notes the kids wrote in this journal were so cute--especially congratulations on becoming a teacher and saying how they know I will become a good teacher (even though they just complimented me on being a good teacher).
Meanwhile, it was a good thing this wasn't a regular school day since we totally went over into the next class period, which made kids late, although most teachers didn't actually even take attendance today, so it wasn't a big deal.
In my 10th grade class, I gave each student an individualized note as well as a letter I wrote to the class, and I got a few more really sweet letters from them.
I also let them all know that I'm going to plan a picnic in the park next weekend that they're all invited to (as are you, dear reader), and I left a signup sheet for kids to give their emails if I don't already have them. (I have most of them.) Half a dozen of them signed up, which was nice, and I'm hoping to have a decent turnout and a nice day probably next Sunday.
What a special day.
Meanwhile, I came home and didn't feel like grading but didn't really know what to do with myself. I started to go to the park with my dog but it got cloudy and thought about going to yoga but eventually just took a nap, which was much needed after 3-1/2 hours of sleep last night.
I'm looking forward to reflecting more on this really amazing semester as my schedule opens up. I'm actually wondering what on earth I'm going to do with myself when that happens. Of course I have lots of fun ideas--plus plenty of things that I've neglected these past few months, plus trying to move and maybe make some big changes--but it's crazy to think about having zero school-related obligations....
Have more to say about other things in a bit....
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Ridiculous cuteness
OMG!
These kids are so cute.
We had our final today, which I know I made really hard, but I am actually really happy with and even proud of my test since I think it really challenged them to think and to apply their knowledge of the play (The Merchant of Venice) and what we talked about in class in order to excel on the test. They said that it was hard but fair, which is all I care about.
After that, I had them fill out evaluations of me that I spent a long time creating. I promised them that I would not look at them till after their grades are done since I totally know all their handwriting. I was actually a little nervous about the evaluations for this class because I feel like there were a few things that didn't go exactly as I would have liked, but in the end I still feel really good about the class. I am eager to read them but am definitely keeping my word.
In our last few minutes, I gave them kind of an inspirational talk about writing, and how all the authors we read used writing as a way to address social issues, and that they can do the same. I handed back an assignment they did at least a month ago in which I had them write a list of 3 "grievances" they have with the world, which is something Maxine Hong Kingston did in The Woman Warrior. In the assignment they also had to make a list of types of writing they could do to express those grievances. When I assigned that, I had visions of assigning them to actually do that, but I (thankfully) decided not to because of lack of time and because of struggles I had with figuring out how to grade such an assignment. (Still need to work on differentiated grading. Uch. I don't think my school believes in such a thing anyway, but that's another story.) I showed them some anthologies of writing by high school students and reminded them of the journal I gave them each on the first day of school.
I did something I was afraid to do but am so glad I did. I gave them homework due on Friday. We have an abbreviated class on Friday, which is going to be a party and where we'll do some other cool things. It's understood, though, that most students skip school that day, so for me to assign homework received some groans. They seemed ok when I told them the assignment, though. They have to write me a letter reflecting on this semester. They can write anything they want--about class or not--and they can email me if they won't be in class Friday.
The cuteness came as time was almost up for the extra-long class. I acknowledged that I knew I might not see some of them on Friday and I started to say some unrehearesed or planned something about how wonderful they were, and I just had to stop because I was totally losing it. I was really touched--and am right now--thinking about how much I'm going to miss this class--and my other one too. I paused for a few seconds and finally got out a thank you and that I really enjoyed this class and am going to miss them. I was shocked by what happened next. There was this huge line of kids waiting to give me a hug. I asked each of them if I would see them Friday, and they all said yes (though we'll see).
I just checked my email and have already gotten a few emails from tem. A couple just talked about school being a lot of work and being happy it's summer, but there were two that I really appreciated and am posting here for posterity. Oh the cuteness.....
This is from a student who hardly ever participated in class:
I got really into writing this letter! It may get a little emotional! hahahahaha.
Dear Ms. K.,
Wow, this semester seriously flew by so fast for me. It was actually a pretty good semester. I got all the classes I wanted, and I was in a good place in life. I don’t know why this semester stood out from all the rest. I guess it’s because I felt more mature and started to feel like an upperclassman. But, I must say, your English class was one of the few English classes I ever enjoyed going to. You made all the discussions lively and you made reading fun for me. I admit, at times the amount of writing you gave was pretty ridiculous [Editor's Note: LOL!], but they really got me to think about everything and made me reanalyze what I was reading. And I also give you props for actually making me be able to enjoy reading Shakespeare this semester. Usually, I would absolutely hate reading Shakespeare, but this semester, you made it really fun to read and easier to understand. Honestly, you are probably the teacher that I learned the most from. You actually took the time to explain the material to us and you taught things so clearly and in a way that made us look at things from a different perspective. Everyday, I would always love coming to your class because I always learned something new everyday. You seriously made my English experience that much more interesting and fun for me. This semester was seriously really good for me and having you as a teacher was so much fun. I wish you could come back next year! But I’m pretty sure you’re going to come and visit us in the future. But anyways, that is generally how I felt all semester. I learned so much and I can’t believe it’s already over. I’m going to be a junior already! It seems like only yesterday that I was at freshman orientation, not knowing anyone in my class. But now I feel so much different. I’ve met so many people, even some that have changed my life all together. This semester, I realize that sometimes in life, you have to go for what you want and achieve for the greatest. Thank you so much for everything, Ms. K. I’ve probably done most of my best writing with you and you’ve inspired me to keep writing and to keep a journal of my own to express my thoughts in. Thank you for making me the best writer I know I can be. You never made me not want to write. Thanks for teaching me everything I need to know and everything I needed review in. Please come and visit us in the future! I’m going to miss you Ms. K! Good luck with everything and please consider teaching at L.!
Always,
J.
Cute letter #2:
Hi, Ms. K.!
I remember that last year in the arena, I was so happy to get the final spot in Ms. I's class. The word around school was that she taught well and I was very excited. I didn't even know what the Ms. K. in the parentheses meant when I was picking out which English class to take. On the first day of school, I was very surprised when you announced that you were not the teacher I set my sights on. I was a bit hesitant as I wondered what the semester was going to be like. After the first week, I realized that you wanted everyone in the class to get to know each other, just like in the first week of 2nd grade. It was a little strange at first, but I really liked it in the end because I knew the names of the people I was taking to. I enjoyed this and a lot of other things about your class. Throughout the semester, it seemed like you didn't want a day to go to waste. You always had us writing, analyzing, or discussing. I really appreciated this because it made me feel as though I was going through the same emotions and experiences of the characters. All the analyzing made them come alive. Your standards took a while getting used to because many of the English teachers I've had in the past went easy on me. I also wasn't used to having so many essays, but your comments were so helpful that I think my writing has improved significantly. You pushed us hard, but I'll be mature enough to say that is was worth it . I really hope that you teach 11th grade English next year or even AP English.
I'll see you in the hallways,
V.
I swear I didn't write these myself.
This is really nice validation, especially after all the grief I've gotten from my master teachers and the complete lack of interest and total indifference shown to me as far as offering me a job next year. (It's like it never occurred to anyone that I might be worth consideration for a job.)
Anyway, I promised them I would have their esays back for them by Friday, so off to do more grading. Still, the cuteness is pretty overwhelming.
These kids are so cute.
We had our final today, which I know I made really hard, but I am actually really happy with and even proud of my test since I think it really challenged them to think and to apply their knowledge of the play (The Merchant of Venice) and what we talked about in class in order to excel on the test. They said that it was hard but fair, which is all I care about.
After that, I had them fill out evaluations of me that I spent a long time creating. I promised them that I would not look at them till after their grades are done since I totally know all their handwriting. I was actually a little nervous about the evaluations for this class because I feel like there were a few things that didn't go exactly as I would have liked, but in the end I still feel really good about the class. I am eager to read them but am definitely keeping my word.
In our last few minutes, I gave them kind of an inspirational talk about writing, and how all the authors we read used writing as a way to address social issues, and that they can do the same. I handed back an assignment they did at least a month ago in which I had them write a list of 3 "grievances" they have with the world, which is something Maxine Hong Kingston did in The Woman Warrior. In the assignment they also had to make a list of types of writing they could do to express those grievances. When I assigned that, I had visions of assigning them to actually do that, but I (thankfully) decided not to because of lack of time and because of struggles I had with figuring out how to grade such an assignment. (Still need to work on differentiated grading. Uch. I don't think my school believes in such a thing anyway, but that's another story.) I showed them some anthologies of writing by high school students and reminded them of the journal I gave them each on the first day of school.
I did something I was afraid to do but am so glad I did. I gave them homework due on Friday. We have an abbreviated class on Friday, which is going to be a party and where we'll do some other cool things. It's understood, though, that most students skip school that day, so for me to assign homework received some groans. They seemed ok when I told them the assignment, though. They have to write me a letter reflecting on this semester. They can write anything they want--about class or not--and they can email me if they won't be in class Friday.
The cuteness came as time was almost up for the extra-long class. I acknowledged that I knew I might not see some of them on Friday and I started to say some unrehearesed or planned something about how wonderful they were, and I just had to stop because I was totally losing it. I was really touched--and am right now--thinking about how much I'm going to miss this class--and my other one too. I paused for a few seconds and finally got out a thank you and that I really enjoyed this class and am going to miss them. I was shocked by what happened next. There was this huge line of kids waiting to give me a hug. I asked each of them if I would see them Friday, and they all said yes (though we'll see).
I just checked my email and have already gotten a few emails from tem. A couple just talked about school being a lot of work and being happy it's summer, but there were two that I really appreciated and am posting here for posterity. Oh the cuteness.....
This is from a student who hardly ever participated in class:
I got really into writing this letter! It may get a little emotional! hahahahaha.
Dear Ms. K.,
Wow, this semester seriously flew by so fast for me. It was actually a pretty good semester. I got all the classes I wanted, and I was in a good place in life. I don’t know why this semester stood out from all the rest. I guess it’s because I felt more mature and started to feel like an upperclassman. But, I must say, your English class was one of the few English classes I ever enjoyed going to. You made all the discussions lively and you made reading fun for me. I admit, at times the amount of writing you gave was pretty ridiculous [Editor's Note: LOL!], but they really got me to think about everything and made me reanalyze what I was reading. And I also give you props for actually making me be able to enjoy reading Shakespeare this semester. Usually, I would absolutely hate reading Shakespeare, but this semester, you made it really fun to read and easier to understand. Honestly, you are probably the teacher that I learned the most from. You actually took the time to explain the material to us and you taught things so clearly and in a way that made us look at things from a different perspective. Everyday, I would always love coming to your class because I always learned something new everyday. You seriously made my English experience that much more interesting and fun for me. This semester was seriously really good for me and having you as a teacher was so much fun. I wish you could come back next year! But I’m pretty sure you’re going to come and visit us in the future. But anyways, that is generally how I felt all semester. I learned so much and I can’t believe it’s already over. I’m going to be a junior already! It seems like only yesterday that I was at freshman orientation, not knowing anyone in my class. But now I feel so much different. I’ve met so many people, even some that have changed my life all together. This semester, I realize that sometimes in life, you have to go for what you want and achieve for the greatest. Thank you so much for everything, Ms. K. I’ve probably done most of my best writing with you and you’ve inspired me to keep writing and to keep a journal of my own to express my thoughts in. Thank you for making me the best writer I know I can be. You never made me not want to write. Thanks for teaching me everything I need to know and everything I needed review in. Please come and visit us in the future! I’m going to miss you Ms. K! Good luck with everything and please consider teaching at L.!
Always,
J.
Cute letter #2:
Hi, Ms. K.!
I remember that last year in the arena, I was so happy to get the final spot in Ms. I's class. The word around school was that she taught well and I was very excited. I didn't even know what the Ms. K. in the parentheses meant when I was picking out which English class to take. On the first day of school, I was very surprised when you announced that you were not the teacher I set my sights on. I was a bit hesitant as I wondered what the semester was going to be like. After the first week, I realized that you wanted everyone in the class to get to know each other, just like in the first week of 2nd grade. It was a little strange at first, but I really liked it in the end because I knew the names of the people I was taking to. I enjoyed this and a lot of other things about your class. Throughout the semester, it seemed like you didn't want a day to go to waste. You always had us writing, analyzing, or discussing. I really appreciated this because it made me feel as though I was going through the same emotions and experiences of the characters. All the analyzing made them come alive. Your standards took a while getting used to because many of the English teachers I've had in the past went easy on me. I also wasn't used to having so many essays, but your comments were so helpful that I think my writing has improved significantly. You pushed us hard, but I'll be mature enough to say that is was worth it . I really hope that you teach 11th grade English next year or even AP English.
I'll see you in the hallways,
V.
I swear I didn't write these myself.
This is really nice validation, especially after all the grief I've gotten from my master teachers and the complete lack of interest and total indifference shown to me as far as offering me a job next year. (It's like it never occurred to anyone that I might be worth consideration for a job.)
Anyway, I promised them I would have their esays back for them by Friday, so off to do more grading. Still, the cuteness is pretty overwhelming.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
To be observed or not to be observed; that is the question
The assistant principal of curriculum offered to observe my class at some point to write me a reference and said I should let her know if I would like her to and when would be a good time. She asked me that over a month ago, and ever since then I have thought about it but have been too nervous to invite her to a particular class because I feel like I would want to be ultra-prepared (or at least not stressing 5 minutes before class to get prepared) and confident for a class she's observing, and I never really feel that way. I actually felt pretty secure in my plans for class on Friday, and I had asked her earlier in the week if she would observe. She asked me to email her the days and times and room numbers, but she never wrote back to me. I was shocked to find myself too nervous to go back to her office and remind her or ask her if she was available or planning on coming to observe. I passively was (again) just completely ambivalent--part of me hoping she'd come to class and be blown away by what an amazing teacher I am, part of me hoping she wouldn't come and find out what a crappy teacher I am. Ugh.
She didn't come. During class I felt a bit relieved about that at times, but after class (which went very well, as it just about always does), I felt really disappointed in myself for being so timid about the whole thing. So I just emailed her again and invited her to my classes tomorrow, both of which I feel confident about. There's really not much to lose by her observing and a lot to gain. It's interesting, though, that I feel really good about the job I have done and very confident about the job I do each day, yet at the thought of being observed and evaluated potentially for a job I feel like I'm going to be exposed as a fraud or something. I suppose this is a somewhat typical experience, but it is too petty for me to give my energy to these days. I have earned more than that and don't want to sell myself short.
She didn't come. During class I felt a bit relieved about that at times, but after class (which went very well, as it just about always does), I felt really disappointed in myself for being so timid about the whole thing. So I just emailed her again and invited her to my classes tomorrow, both of which I feel confident about. There's really not much to lose by her observing and a lot to gain. It's interesting, though, that I feel really good about the job I have done and very confident about the job I do each day, yet at the thought of being observed and evaluated potentially for a job I feel like I'm going to be exposed as a fraud or something. I suppose this is a somewhat typical experience, but it is too petty for me to give my energy to these days. I have earned more than that and don't want to sell myself short.
Overcome by Ambivalence
As I approach my final day of classes tomorrow, I have been feeling so overcome with emotion this weekend and these last few weeks. On the one hand, I'm completely exhausted. I'm feeling somewhat burnt out and totally ready for a break. Whereas I had envisioned my life totally freeing up and devoting hours and hours to preparing for class and catching up on grading once our portfolio was due and classes at State were over, that has not happened at all. In fact, I've been fighting this battle in my head between (a) wanting to get caught up and do a whole bunch of work as soon as I get done with teaching each day to (b) wanting to take a nap as soon as I get home from school and hang out with friends and lounge with my dog at the park and watch the NBA playoffs (not to mention the pathetic Yankees) and take care of stuff (like plans for the summer, housing situations, bills, laundry, actually trying to get a job next year), which I have badly neglected all semester. Let's just say schoolwork has not been winning this battle in my head. In fact, I have been shockingly last minute in my preperation, and yet I feel like I am in a position of being experienced enough now to be this last minute. I actually feel good about just about everything I've done in my classes since this wave of slackerness has come upon me, which I find impressive and just short of miraculous. I suppose it takes me much less time to prepare, and I've been preparing accordingly.
Another component of my ambivalence is the battle in my head between wanting school to be over and wanting it to continue. There are two things at work here. First, the less charming side: I have SO much grading to do in the next 8 days, it is actually really exhausting to even think about. I would love to not feel so rushed, though I suppose it's nice to have that extrnal deadline to cut things off. The more romantic and sweet and interesting and meaningful aspect of the ambivalence is that I'm really going to miss teaching these classses and being with these students five days a week. As much work as it has been, I really have had a great time. I can honestly say that I've had fun teaching virtually every class this semester. (Most of the exceptions were at the beginning, where the "mean master teacher," as she became known, was observing me in all my ineptitude.)
Kids in both my classes asked me this week if I was going to be teaching there next year and I said probably not (though there is really no reason for the "probably" except that I suppose anything is possible; as far as I can gather, they are not hiring in the department and nobody has spoken to me about next year). It was very sweet to see that the kids appeared to be disappointed about this. One of my 9th graders said we should have a party for me. Another student said, "Yeah, we were your first students, right?" They're so cute.
I'm going to miss my 9th graders putting the chairs in a circle everyday before class and putting them back to their boring, traditional arrangement at the end. I'm going to miss two of my 10th graders arguing over which of them I like better. I'm going to miss the adorable and excited ways some of my kids say hi to me in the hallways and when they get to class. I'm going to miss my own poking fun at myself when I screw up now in class. I'm going to miss coming up with cool assignments that they are actually excited to do, and making them laugh by finding creative ways to teach things. (When teaching the definition of a malapropism (a misused word), I gave them the example that "I have a great infection [instead of affection] for them." (That still cracks me up!)) I'm going to miss the absolute shock and relief I feel at the end of class each day when I realize that there has been no major catastrophe. I'm even going to miss the shell-shocked looks on the kids' faces whenever I assign an essay, the BS stories a couple of my kids regularly give me about not having their homework, the same kids always coming in late and apologizing for it in new and different ways each time, calling kids out for their inattention in ways that I find amusing (yet respectful), and the sorrowful and even ashamed way students have about them when asked about not having done their work.
I look forward to finishing my grading so I can start recording these things more thoroughly. Or do I not look forward to it?
Another component of my ambivalence is the battle in my head between wanting school to be over and wanting it to continue. There are two things at work here. First, the less charming side: I have SO much grading to do in the next 8 days, it is actually really exhausting to even think about. I would love to not feel so rushed, though I suppose it's nice to have that extrnal deadline to cut things off. The more romantic and sweet and interesting and meaningful aspect of the ambivalence is that I'm really going to miss teaching these classses and being with these students five days a week. As much work as it has been, I really have had a great time. I can honestly say that I've had fun teaching virtually every class this semester. (Most of the exceptions were at the beginning, where the "mean master teacher," as she became known, was observing me in all my ineptitude.)
Kids in both my classes asked me this week if I was going to be teaching there next year and I said probably not (though there is really no reason for the "probably" except that I suppose anything is possible; as far as I can gather, they are not hiring in the department and nobody has spoken to me about next year). It was very sweet to see that the kids appeared to be disappointed about this. One of my 9th graders said we should have a party for me. Another student said, "Yeah, we were your first students, right?" They're so cute.
I'm going to miss my 9th graders putting the chairs in a circle everyday before class and putting them back to their boring, traditional arrangement at the end. I'm going to miss two of my 10th graders arguing over which of them I like better. I'm going to miss the adorable and excited ways some of my kids say hi to me in the hallways and when they get to class. I'm going to miss my own poking fun at myself when I screw up now in class. I'm going to miss coming up with cool assignments that they are actually excited to do, and making them laugh by finding creative ways to teach things. (When teaching the definition of a malapropism (a misused word), I gave them the example that "I have a great infection [instead of affection] for them." (That still cracks me up!)) I'm going to miss the absolute shock and relief I feel at the end of class each day when I realize that there has been no major catastrophe. I'm even going to miss the shell-shocked looks on the kids' faces whenever I assign an essay, the BS stories a couple of my kids regularly give me about not having their homework, the same kids always coming in late and apologizing for it in new and different ways each time, calling kids out for their inattention in ways that I find amusing (yet respectful), and the sorrowful and even ashamed way students have about them when asked about not having done their work.
I look forward to finishing my grading so I can start recording these things more thoroughly. Or do I not look forward to it?
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Actually teaching to change the world
I can't believe that I'm awake right now let alone that I'm starting a blog entry. I should have been asleep an hour ago--and prepping for my classes tomorrow if anything.
The past two days have been really great for so many reasons. The main two are that I did not have class after teaching (both today and yesterday I went to GG Park and did work and snoozed in the sun) and that I am actually teaching to change the world in a concrete, direct way in my 9th grade class these days.
We're reading Animal Farm, which is such a pleasure--and such a great thing from an activist perspective that that book is on so many school book lists. Today I had them do a free write about a quote from Britney Spears (I didn't tell them it was her until the end) that said something like, "I think we should just support the president and whatever he does because he's our president." Given the unquestioning acceptance of tyrany and corrupt leadership in Animal Farm, this was a fortuitous opportunity to challenge this belief. Their responses were great. We got into talking about why people might want to support leaders blindly like this, and that was a really great discussion. They talked about how dangerous it can be to just accept what a leader does without challenging it. We got to talking a little bit about Iraq, but more important to me was for them to get this idea--that it is important to question authority. (As an example, I asked them what they would do if I wrote on the agenda that their homework for tomorrow was to read chapter 8, and when they came into class tomorrow I announced that there was a test on chapters 8, 9, and 10. I added 9 and 10 to the 9 in the HW box, revising history the way Napoleon and his posse do. They totally got into this.)
Tomorrow we're going to be talking about propaganda, and I'm bringing in a copy of a video I have that challenges the mythical "happy cow" commercials by showing actual footage of dairy cows in California...wading through knee-deep piles of shit, udders hanging practically to the ground, limping, collapsed, being hauled with a crane to slaughter--not so happy. I am working a bit to make this exactly relevant, but, hey, it was pointed out to me by Melissa from our program that--now that our credential program is over--we are not actually teaching for course credit, and we're sure not teaching for $. We're volunteers. And the animals need my volunteer time at least as much as these students do. I know these students will be really into it. I've def talked about animal stuff before, and they ask a lot of questions. These kids are so great.
I need to do a blog about my 9th grade class in general. This is the class I was struggling with so much at the beginning of the semester. They absolutely looked at me like they thought I was some imposter doing a poor job impersonating a teacher. It's amazing what has happened. We have such chemistry now. I am joking around throughout the class, they poke fun at me and feel comfortable and safe and yet are totally respectful. Meanwhile, they totally do their work and are amazingly alert and on task in class. (Part of this success is that there are only 16 kids in the class. That changes everything. (There are 31 is my 10th grade class.)) Anyway, details on that class another time. I'm starting to get really sad that my time with them is ending....
The past two days have been really great for so many reasons. The main two are that I did not have class after teaching (both today and yesterday I went to GG Park and did work and snoozed in the sun) and that I am actually teaching to change the world in a concrete, direct way in my 9th grade class these days.
We're reading Animal Farm, which is such a pleasure--and such a great thing from an activist perspective that that book is on so many school book lists. Today I had them do a free write about a quote from Britney Spears (I didn't tell them it was her until the end) that said something like, "I think we should just support the president and whatever he does because he's our president." Given the unquestioning acceptance of tyrany and corrupt leadership in Animal Farm, this was a fortuitous opportunity to challenge this belief. Their responses were great. We got into talking about why people might want to support leaders blindly like this, and that was a really great discussion. They talked about how dangerous it can be to just accept what a leader does without challenging it. We got to talking a little bit about Iraq, but more important to me was for them to get this idea--that it is important to question authority. (As an example, I asked them what they would do if I wrote on the agenda that their homework for tomorrow was to read chapter 8, and when they came into class tomorrow I announced that there was a test on chapters 8, 9, and 10. I added 9 and 10 to the 9 in the HW box, revising history the way Napoleon and his posse do. They totally got into this.)
Tomorrow we're going to be talking about propaganda, and I'm bringing in a copy of a video I have that challenges the mythical "happy cow" commercials by showing actual footage of dairy cows in California...wading through knee-deep piles of shit, udders hanging practically to the ground, limping, collapsed, being hauled with a crane to slaughter--not so happy. I am working a bit to make this exactly relevant, but, hey, it was pointed out to me by Melissa from our program that--now that our credential program is over--we are not actually teaching for course credit, and we're sure not teaching for $. We're volunteers. And the animals need my volunteer time at least as much as these students do. I know these students will be really into it. I've def talked about animal stuff before, and they ask a lot of questions. These kids are so great.
I need to do a blog about my 9th grade class in general. This is the class I was struggling with so much at the beginning of the semester. They absolutely looked at me like they thought I was some imposter doing a poor job impersonating a teacher. It's amazing what has happened. We have such chemistry now. I am joking around throughout the class, they poke fun at me and feel comfortable and safe and yet are totally respectful. Meanwhile, they totally do their work and are amazingly alert and on task in class. (Part of this success is that there are only 16 kids in the class. That changes everything. (There are 31 is my 10th grade class.)) Anyway, details on that class another time. I'm starting to get really sad that my time with them is ending....
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Making a student cry
Yesterday I made my first student cry. Well, other factors were involved, I suppose, but before me: no crying; during me: crying.
So this student had given me the runaround 2 different times during the first marking period, when she told me--about 2 different papers--that she had turned her paper in to me when I collected everyone's and that she has no explanation for why I don't have her paper. Somehow I had everyone else's paper but not hers--twice--by some magival twist of fate or something. Each time after realizing I didn't have her paper, I had asked her to email it to me that night, and each time she was absent the next day and had a story about her email and printer not working the following day. Eventually I met with her and my master teacher and talked with her about everything, and she seemed to understand the importance of handing stuff in on time--especially at my school site, where it is just understood that everyone does their work and hands it in on time, especially for big assignments.
(By the way note to other new teachers: I benefited from a tip from one of my master teachers to count up and keep track of all of the papers and tests you receive *right away*. This way, if you need to talk to a student about not having their paper, you're not having that conversation 2 weeks later when you're getting around to grading their papers.)
Last marking period she was good, and it seemed like everything was under control. Until last week. Last Friday, the class had a paper due that she did not turn in. The class was suppoed to turn in a hard copy as well as email me a copy since I'm going to be putting the files online. She did neither. Monday she was absent. Tuesday I asked her about it and she said she emailed it to me on Saturday. (I had gotten every single other person in the class's email but not hers?) She said she would send it to me again that night. The next day, she was absent again. Thursday, I asked her for her paper, and she asked me if she could meet me to talk to me about it during her free period. This was a crazy busy time for me in terms of working on the iCAP (portfolio), yet I agreed to wait around for her for an hour so she could come talk to me, and I actually really appreciated this mature approach--asking to meet with me to talk about it. Well, I waited till that period and she never frikkin showed up. Grrr....
Yesterday she got to class right as we were starting and left before I could catch her. I knew, though, that she has gym right after my class, and I always see her leaving the locker room to go play whatever as I leave class, so I waited outside to talk to her. Finally she came out and was probably not thrilled to see me. There was no way I was going to wait another hour to try to meet with her during another period, so I decided I was just going to talk with her then. (Nobody was around to hear.)
I told her I'd waited at school for an hour in order to meet with her at a time that was convenient for her and that I was really disappointed she didn't show up. She shyly apologized and said that she'd hurt her hand in gym yesterday and was at the nurse. She's like the boy who cried wolf--not sure if that was true or not, but the nurse's office is very near the English office, so I feel like she should have still come by. I mean, she had all of her fingers! (There was no noticeable damage to her hand.) Ultimately, I could check to see if she did actually go to the nurse but it doesn't even matter at this point. I asked her if her hand was ok. Yes.
Then I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about re: her paper. We were standing outside and she was in her gym clothes, not prepared for the conversation, but I was sick of getting the runaround from her. She told me she was having problems with her printer and her email. "So your paper is done?" I asked. "Yes." She had said a couple days before that she'd had problems printing and I had told her to email it to herself and print it at school, but now her email isn't working, supposedly. I asked her if she had a disk that she could save the paper on. No, she doesn't have a disk.
At this point I was just annoyed. I feel like at other schools this stuff might happen more, but at my school it is very rare.
The tears started when I recapped the situation. I said that I felt like we'd had a really good conference about this during the first marking period, and that she'd really improved, but this paper was due a week ago. I said something like, "It is your responsibility to make sure that you get your work in on time--whether that means emailing it to yourself and printing at school, buying a disk, doing your work at the library or whatever it takes--and that if there's a problem in handing something in on time, it is up to you to communicate with your teachers about that in a direct way--and to keep your appointments or be in communication about cancelling them."
That was when the tears started welling up, though it never got to the point where it was blatanly obvious or uncomfortable that she was crying.
I should mention that this student is a 9th grader, Chinese American, super quiet and shy. She was born here but her parents don't speak much English. She is a good writer and the work she turns in is quite good. I feel like she is a perfectioninst and can't bring herself to hand something in that's not perfect. I told her that her wrinting is very good, and that I'm confident her paper will be really good, but that it won't get the grade that it deserves because it's so late. I also told her some of the papers that people turned in actually weren't that good, and that I knew that if they had an extra week then they'd be much better, but that she needs to get her work in on time or else talk to me about it right away. I told her it's not fair to herself since she is getting grades that are below what the work she has put on paper deserves.
In the end, I asked her if she would have the paper for me by Monday. She said she would try. I patted her on the arm (trying to mitigate my badguy-ness) and wished her a good weekend.
I don't feel any guilt or regret about the conversation, really, because I feel like it needed to be said, but I'm curious what will develop from it--though obviously it made an impression on me since I'm spending my Saturday writing about it.....
So this student had given me the runaround 2 different times during the first marking period, when she told me--about 2 different papers--that she had turned her paper in to me when I collected everyone's and that she has no explanation for why I don't have her paper. Somehow I had everyone else's paper but not hers--twice--by some magival twist of fate or something. Each time after realizing I didn't have her paper, I had asked her to email it to me that night, and each time she was absent the next day and had a story about her email and printer not working the following day. Eventually I met with her and my master teacher and talked with her about everything, and she seemed to understand the importance of handing stuff in on time--especially at my school site, where it is just understood that everyone does their work and hands it in on time, especially for big assignments.
(By the way note to other new teachers: I benefited from a tip from one of my master teachers to count up and keep track of all of the papers and tests you receive *right away*. This way, if you need to talk to a student about not having their paper, you're not having that conversation 2 weeks later when you're getting around to grading their papers.)
Last marking period she was good, and it seemed like everything was under control. Until last week. Last Friday, the class had a paper due that she did not turn in. The class was suppoed to turn in a hard copy as well as email me a copy since I'm going to be putting the files online. She did neither. Monday she was absent. Tuesday I asked her about it and she said she emailed it to me on Saturday. (I had gotten every single other person in the class's email but not hers?) She said she would send it to me again that night. The next day, she was absent again. Thursday, I asked her for her paper, and she asked me if she could meet me to talk to me about it during her free period. This was a crazy busy time for me in terms of working on the iCAP (portfolio), yet I agreed to wait around for her for an hour so she could come talk to me, and I actually really appreciated this mature approach--asking to meet with me to talk about it. Well, I waited till that period and she never frikkin showed up. Grrr....
Yesterday she got to class right as we were starting and left before I could catch her. I knew, though, that she has gym right after my class, and I always see her leaving the locker room to go play whatever as I leave class, so I waited outside to talk to her. Finally she came out and was probably not thrilled to see me. There was no way I was going to wait another hour to try to meet with her during another period, so I decided I was just going to talk with her then. (Nobody was around to hear.)
I told her I'd waited at school for an hour in order to meet with her at a time that was convenient for her and that I was really disappointed she didn't show up. She shyly apologized and said that she'd hurt her hand in gym yesterday and was at the nurse. She's like the boy who cried wolf--not sure if that was true or not, but the nurse's office is very near the English office, so I feel like she should have still come by. I mean, she had all of her fingers! (There was no noticeable damage to her hand.) Ultimately, I could check to see if she did actually go to the nurse but it doesn't even matter at this point. I asked her if her hand was ok. Yes.
Then I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about re: her paper. We were standing outside and she was in her gym clothes, not prepared for the conversation, but I was sick of getting the runaround from her. She told me she was having problems with her printer and her email. "So your paper is done?" I asked. "Yes." She had said a couple days before that she'd had problems printing and I had told her to email it to herself and print it at school, but now her email isn't working, supposedly. I asked her if she had a disk that she could save the paper on. No, she doesn't have a disk.
At this point I was just annoyed. I feel like at other schools this stuff might happen more, but at my school it is very rare.
The tears started when I recapped the situation. I said that I felt like we'd had a really good conference about this during the first marking period, and that she'd really improved, but this paper was due a week ago. I said something like, "It is your responsibility to make sure that you get your work in on time--whether that means emailing it to yourself and printing at school, buying a disk, doing your work at the library or whatever it takes--and that if there's a problem in handing something in on time, it is up to you to communicate with your teachers about that in a direct way--and to keep your appointments or be in communication about cancelling them."
That was when the tears started welling up, though it never got to the point where it was blatanly obvious or uncomfortable that she was crying.
I should mention that this student is a 9th grader, Chinese American, super quiet and shy. She was born here but her parents don't speak much English. She is a good writer and the work she turns in is quite good. I feel like she is a perfectioninst and can't bring herself to hand something in that's not perfect. I told her that her wrinting is very good, and that I'm confident her paper will be really good, but that it won't get the grade that it deserves because it's so late. I also told her some of the papers that people turned in actually weren't that good, and that I knew that if they had an extra week then they'd be much better, but that she needs to get her work in on time or else talk to me about it right away. I told her it's not fair to herself since she is getting grades that are below what the work she has put on paper deserves.
In the end, I asked her if she would have the paper for me by Monday. She said she would try. I patted her on the arm (trying to mitigate my badguy-ness) and wished her a good weekend.
I don't feel any guilt or regret about the conversation, really, because I feel like it needed to be said, but I'm curious what will develop from it--though obviously it made an impression on me since I'm spending my Saturday writing about it.....
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